[strength learning]

Thanks to EDGE Gym, I'm a lot stronger than I used to be. When I started at my neighborhood gym in October, I could barely make it through a Pilates class without excessive whining and nearly passed out at my first Core & Conditioning session (so embarrassing). Now, just ten months later (Seriously? I need to count that again. One, two, three, four...Yeah. Ten!), I see a huge difference in the way I look, and a sharp increase in the way I feel. I have more energy, my body craves food that is good for me, and I'm stronger than ever. I took the stairs at work 3 times yesterday. That's 21 floors, kids, (in heels) and I don't even feel it.

There have been days and weeks where I had a hard time getting my butt six blocks away for a class. I felt overwhelmed frequently. I needed challenging words from dear friends. I needed to hear that I can do anything - my fear of my genetic predispositions might need to be faced regularly, but it doesn't rule me. My will and determination and just getting over there do. Sometimes I made it, sometimes I didn't. But now, when I get home from work and contemplate a cocktail and an hour of Parks & Recreation reruns, it doesn't take much time for me to lace up my new Nikes and grab my orange stainless water bottle and head to EDGE instead. I love that the run home from the gym is always faster and freer and better than the jog there. No amount of excuses and alcohol and laughter can make me feel as great as knowing I'll be feeling those squats for the next three days.

I know my body a lot better than I used to, because I'm using it consciously. The instructors there know my body, too. They help me develop that weakling right glute, relax the tension in my quads, and remind me to adjust a few things to keep my left hip from popping. Oh, and Kate is always laughing at my strange scrunched up faces and reminding me to relax. I don't have to focus on breathing at every rep any more, thanks to DeeAnn's Pilates and Gyrokinesis classes; consequently, even when it was 80 in that giant warehouse box, I didn't pass out.

I've learned so much. I've integrated showing up, breathing, and pushing myself into my life. The next challenge is always difficult, but past decisions simply become a part of life. The decisions I made in the past aren't a struggle in the now. They may affect my now, they may make my decisions now harder or easier, but I still have a now. And I still have a choice.

You might consider this bragging, or maybe just an EDGE infomercial, and it probably is. But I also wanted to talk about the things I've learned from this process of becoming physically stronger. None of them are revolutionary, but they're a good reminder for me. Progress should be noted, monuments built, and stories retold.

1. I've learned that I don't push myself enough when I'm on my own. I need the guidance of an instructor, the enforcement of a clock, and the friendly competition of the group. I'm not an island at life, at creativity, at faith, or at fitness. I'll never reach my potential or stretch my limits if it's just me, solo.

2. Change happens in nearly indistinguishable increments. Nothing worthwhile is instant. You can't just have great relationships, intelligence, belief, or traffic-stopping-tris without making the right decision in a lot of seemingly innocuous choices. Those excuses add up and it only gets easier to make them, but choosing to engage also becomes easier. If you want the long-term result, you have to focus on the momentary decision. Show up, just work on whatever you can for that moment, commit to trying regularly, the results will be incredible. At anything. All it takes is being willing to learn. I never used to believe I could look like this or be this strong. Now? No limits, Body, just keep it up!

3. I need to suck it up and ask for help. I can't remember ever being criticized or rejected because I asked for assistance (except for maybe a snotty barista attitude or two), but I live like I'm afraid of that. Not asking for help is the most self-defeating behavior I've got. Asking for help is one of the greatest things I can do. Living with the idea that you know everything is dumb, but not asking for help so you can suppress the idea that you don't know everything is deadly. So whether it's about the rowing machine or your daily faith or a new recipe, just ask somebody else. Even if you don't always get the best answer, it's good practice. You need the help of instructors and colleagues and friends.

I'll probably be able to add to this list as I go on and keep processing, and I hope you will too. Maybe on an evening run around Mt Tabor?