[don't quit]

I don't like to be embarrassed.

No, I mean, I really don't like it. I'm still figuring out why that's such a trigger for me, but even if I never remember the circumstance that set off this train-of-returning-shame, I'm fully aware that my automatic actions post-embarrassment are reprehensible.

And so I understand Anne Rice a bit when she announced she was done with Christianity. It's hard to be a Christian. [granted, for me, it's harder not to be one, but still...] It's frequently embarrassing. Just like there are a lot of idiotic individuals who commit to a variety of religions, there are some dumb things said in the name of Christianity. By Christians. Heck, I'm most likely one of them. I've used Christianity to get what I want, forced it down people's throats, created my own private judgment seat from which to view the world, and expected things I never had the right to demand.

Both her posts and the responses have been a great reminder to me that I'm in this mess and I'm committed to this mess. I'm not going to quit because I don't hear the voices I crave or I hear too many voices that annoy me. Whether or not people "get it" or stop embarrassing my name or my God isn't my job.

My job is Love.

So, Happy Saturday, Love. Let's hang out.